Thursday, December 31, 2009



So...where have I been all this time. I haven't forgotten you guys. In fact, I checked in daily while my family and I were away. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to post during our vacation to the far reaches of the earth. We went to spend Christmas with my parents and they live on a lake in the mountains. Very beautiful and serene...hence, no internet yet at the house. I was able to read every one's posts on my cell phone but unable to post my own. I'm sorry I didn't realize ahead of time I wouldn't be able to post. I would have let everyone know. I hope no one was worried that I fell through some ice into a frozen river while trying to snag the last nanaimo bar (super yummy and band friendly chocolate square...not friendly to waistlines...beware).

We had a fantastic Christmas. We had 14 people at dinner, two turkeys (the edible ones, the people were all fun loving family), three dogs, two parrots and a parakeet. A great time was had by all! My poor mom though was exhausted by Boxing Day (another great holiday!). I, however, was invigorated by the clean, crisp mountain air and found myself with boundless energy and enthusiasm. It helped that I managed to eat anything I wanted without gaining an ounce. I wasn't stressed at all about the eating part and somehow, everything balanced out. I am really excited to be getting my first fill on the 5th so I can get this party started!

What an amazing feeling to know in your heart that you really are going to do "it" this year. I don't have to make any New Year's resolutions that I will feel bad about breaking later. I am confident, secure and ready to make this leap into a new life. 2010 is going to be my year. I have moved mountains to get here and I can see the ocean ahead of me. I am going to make it to that beach. The one I have been searching for for many years. Then, just watch me as I stroll along in my red bikini, singing my song and smiling ear to ear!

It has been an amazing year for me and I will always remember 2009 fondly as the year I chose me. ME. That all important person whom I neglected for quite a while. She has forgiven me though and is happy, truly happy, that I am putting her first and making sure she is around to carry on all the good work she does. So here's a toast...To all those who recognize their self worth and start loving and taking care of themselves so they can be around to love and care for all the special people in their lives....cheers!

Thank you to all of you who take the time to read and comment on my posts. It means a lot to me. I wish you all many blessings for a New Year 2010 filled with love, happiness and peace.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming and Santa is going to bring me RESTRICTION! Okay, it looks like he won't be delivering it until the new year but it's good to wish for it anyway.

Let me just say this...Aaaarrrrggggghhhh! This limbo period is driving Miss Daisy Crazy! I actually ate an entire burger today. Feta cheese, cream cheese, cucumber, tomato and all. Oh my goodness...I think I've lost that lovin' (the restriction I felt earlier on after being banded) feelin'. I am trying to figure this out. Is it a good sign that I didn't have much fat around my stomach so it disappeared soon after my banding and that's why I lost my restriction or is it that my band took one look at life trapped between a pouch and a cavernous stomach and decided to high tail it to higher ground (it couldn't possibly have slipped, could it?).

I feel like phoning the clinic and asking to have my fill earlier than six weeks. I feel like I am just waiting around to gain back the weight I've already lost. I know, I know...things need six weeks to heal. Maybe I am just a super overachiever on the healing front and I am ready to go now. What do you think? Patience at this point is not going to be my New Year's resolution...I would break that one faster than the ones about dieting. Truly though, I feel absolutely fine. I just want to get on with this.

I am just so keen to go full speed ahead, it feels like I've been benched in the last period of the Stanley Cup final game. Let me loose dang-it so I can score the winning goal!!! Maybe I should take up a new hobby to relax more about this. How about chocolate bar paper origami. I could mail Hershey swans to all my blogger buddies. Okay. I feel better. I have expressed my self and now I am calm...until the next tornado of desire to get moving hits me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Happy Birthday Baby

It has been a wild and crazy few days. We had our son's 1st Birthday party on Saturday and it was awesome. My parents came for it and visited for three days and my father-in-law came from California too. We had about forty people, both big people and little people. I made a lot of food, and by a lot, I mean enough to feed a high school boys basketball team. I just let loose and had fun with it. I decorated the house with balloons and streamers. It was incredible. I had such a good time.

By the end of the evening, I was a little tired. The really cool thing though was that my legs didn't hurt so much they were throbbing like after other parties in the past. Losing even a small amount (25 lbs is small for me, relative to my overall goal) has made a significant difference in my life. I keep realizing how much easier it is to do things when you're lighter. My energy level is still did I survive before at my highest weight. No wonder I felt miserable...I was exhausted all the time.

I am sleeping less now and feeling more refreshed. My energy level is about four times higher already. Wow! This process is really awe inspiring. I even shovelled snow! We had our first snowfall and it was a considerable amount. I actually loved being out there, getting exercise and feeling the fresh air. I was shocked at myself. This is the old me resurfacing and I love it. It's like watching the miracle of a chick hatching out of an egg. It's both beautiful and amazing at the same time.

Even though I am in bandster purgatory (not hell because that would mean I was actually at a destination instead of stuck in this waiting room of sorts), I am trying to focus on the great things ahead. I am inspired by other bandsters who have achieved such wonderful goals. I so want to get going here, it's really tough just "waiting" in purgatory. If they had better magazines here, it wouldn't be so

I am going to practise my bandster commandments in the meantime. Calling them rules just makes me want to break The hardest commandment so far, has been not drinking with my meals. I love wine and water and not having them to sip on during a nice dinner is challenging. I tried having the wine before and although it was fun being a bit tipsy especially with an empty stomach, I didn't enjoy the meal as much. I will work on a good solution to this. Perhaps I will save the wine for a before bed special "treat" once in a blue moon. That way I won't keep associating it with eating.

Tomorrow I start my water challenge. I am going to fill up my gym water bottle four times tomorrow (not with gin and tonic...that would be wrong...) and drink all that water. I want to get into the habit of drinking my water before meals. My next challenge will be eating protein first. These commandments aren't as easy as it sounds. I will work on them though.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Hello all, it's me should hear my I am feeling waaaayyyy better and aside from a very sexy voice and the occasional cough you wouldn't know I was ever sick. First off, I would like to thank those that replied to my cry for help. I was having a pretty rough day and your thoughts and ideas really helped me. So now, I am utterly excited about the good things to come.
Christmas is quickly approaching and I am absolutely thrilled! I love Christmas! It is a wonderful celebration and it's joy and promise fills my heart every year. I know a lot of people get wrapped (nice pun) up in the commercialism of it but I believe it is important to take time during this season to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. This time is a reminder to me to look around and really see the people in my life. To extend a kindness, a helping hand, a comforting word to all those I encounter. It reminds me that all the good fortune in my life is a blessing and it is up to me to share that blessing with others. Giving to others fills my heart with a sense of purpose. It allows me to share in the lives of others and better appreciate my own life.
Last Christmas was one of great joy and great sorrow. The great joy was the birth of my son shortly before and the great sorrow was the loss of my mom-in-law to ovarian cancer. In the span of one week, I felt both extremes of human happiness and sadness. This time highlighted the true meaning of life. To give of love unconditionally and to celebrate that love in everything you do. This Christmas is a very special one for me, it carries forth all the joy, love and laughter of life into the new year. May it be most blessed and joyful for all.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I need some help...

I just fell out of my glass coach because it turned into a pumpkin and now I can't even walk home because I'm missing one glass slipper. Things were going along pretty good, not perfect (don't even know what that is because it seems like I don't have anyone near to ask if what's happening is normal), but that changed. Several things happened that made me feel like Cinderella did when the ball was over and she went back to her rags.

1. I got on the scale and it said that I've GAINED seven pounds...what the *&%$#

2. I can't eat much for breakfast but at lunch I can eat a huge fajita salad

3. I got stuck, then PB'd for the first time after only a few bites of dinner...what the *&%$#

4. An hour after dinner, I had no problem eating a caramel pecan chocolate

5. I am starting to worry about my hair falling out...there seemed to be a lot on the brush today

6. I seem to be craving sweets and God knows they're everywhere at work....arrggghhhh!!!

7. I am still sick with this stupid cold and feel like cr*p

8. I noticed tonight that one of my wounds is red and weeping at one side...double cr*p

9. I still haven't been able to exercise between healing from surgery and being sick

I feel lost. I am frustrated and tired of trying to do this right when I don't really know what right is at the moment. I need some help...

Monday, December 7, 2009

No chocolate mousse...

Had a fantastic time last night at the Christmas party. Yes, the one I was so worried about pre-band thinking that I wouldn't be able to eat anything except the soup and everyone would start wondering why I wasn't eating. Funny the things you worry about when you don't know what it will be like for you with a band. I am 10 days post banding now and I felt great last night. I ate a little of everything and even had some wine. I probably ate a bit too much of the main course but it was so good. I felt quite full and couldn't touch the chocolate mousse. Not a bad thing though as it had no nutritional value and I couldn't fit it into my evening bag. The wine however was medicinal. It was almost an eye opening experience to go to a party and not be particularly concerned about the food, the calories, overeating, etc. I just relaxed, talked to people, shared stories at the dinner table, took avid interest in what others were saying and I really, really enjoyed myself. I put my utensils between bites, I drank my glass of wine before dinner and not during, and I listened to my stomach when it said "I'm full, please stop now". Though I am not feeling terribly restricted, the loss of interest in overeating seems to be persisting. What a blessing.

I also had a major NSV when one of my coworkers sought me out specifically to say how impressed she is with how much weight I've lost. She said she could really see the difference. What a lovely compliment. I felt like a million dollars when I got dressed earlier in the evening and my shoes felt more comfortable (I haven't worn that pair for over a year). Feet lose weight too, what do you know? One day soon I am going to walk into my closet and say "Alright fat shoes it's time to hit the road! Then I'll start tossing them out the window...maybe a shoe tree will grow where they

I can't wait to start working out at the gym again. I think I can probably start doing weights in the New Year (one month post op...I'll have to check with the nurse). I am going to give this cold a chance to go away completely and then I'll get back to my walking. I have set a goal for myself to run the first 5K of a 10K run that happens in April. I will start my training program in January. I may see if there's a local running clinic for it. It might help to have some other people to train with.

I am so happy. I really love what I have chosen to do for myself. My "self" really deserves this and I am proud to be taking these steps toward my goal. I really hope that the people who are so kind to be following my blog, are sharing in this feeling of heartfelt joy. I wish everyone continued successes.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Ambushed by a little cold virus

That's right, one of these little guys above called all his friends and decided to ambush me while my defenses were down. They launched a their initial attack by trying to light fire to my entire body. Fortunately, I was able to shake the fever off by morning and my immune system and it's cavalry of soldiers launched it's counter attack. They battled it out for two days. Today, on a very beautiful bright sunny morning, I looked over the battlefield and discovered that the immune cavalry had all but chased the invaders away. They did take a few pounds of body weight with them, so I can't be entirely upset about the invasion but I plan to work hard to bolster my immune system soldiers as much as possible. Yes, that means I am going to get religious about taking my multivitamin. It also means that I will rest when I need to rest. It's been a fun few days...what can I say.
Other than dealing with going back to work then getting sick, things are going pretty good. I am not feeling as restricted as I was, but at the same time, I am not really that hungry. I must admit, I am glad to have a little bit of time to adjust to all this before my first fill. It's quite an experience trying to figure out how your stomach has changed and what it will and won't tolerate. Christmas is only 19 days away now and I am very excited to spend it with all our family. My father-in-law is flying in this week and then we are all driving up to my parents' place on the 19th. It will be a wonderful Christmas with everyone together. Aunts, uncles, cousins, brother and fiance, new babies, etc. I love being surrounded by family. What a blessing to share Christmas with all of them this year. Life gets so busy at times we don't see each other enough.
Another bonus this year is that I get to share some of my hard work getting back into shape. Most of my family is in very good shape, so it will be awesome to feel like one of the gang again (especially amongst my cousins and siblings). I can't wait to go sledding. I will be able to run up the hill this year....woo, hoo!!! Snowball fights here I come! Can you tell I love snow?
It just feels so good to have lost 34 lbs already. I haven't been this weight in over two years. I was absolutely stunned this morning when I got on the scale and realized how much I have lost to date. Even though I never let my weight get in the way of my enjoying life, I realize now that in a subtle way, it did hinder my ability to enjoy those things I love the most. Changing my lifestyle to achieve a healthy weight is about more than just preventing future health problems like diabetes and heart disease, it's about living life to it's fullest. Embracing every opportunity to enjoy each day, undertake new challenges and find the peace within that brings the true joy in life. I am so grateful that I got to the point I did. As difficult as it was, it has made all the difference.
I am off to get ready for tonight's Christmas party. We are hosting it at a winery where their chef is putting on a four course dinner. I am glad that I will be able to try the different wines before dinner at the cocktail hour. I don't know how much of dinner I'll be able to eat, but I'm not too worried. It is what it is and I wouldn't change it for a minute. I am so excited to wear my new outfit! I will post soon and fill everyone in on the fun details.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Just wanted to fill in what's been happening these last two days. First and foremost, I managed to survive two dinners out. Yes siree, I did it! I managed to eat a few small forkfuls of salad and 1.75 raviolis at the one dinner. I know, I was living dangerously (trying salad and pasta at only a week after my surgery) but I didn't want to blow my cover. I chewed everything so well, no blender could have outdone I was a little freaked out, walking on the wild side with no safety net, but I'm glad I did it. I feel human again. I also feel really proud of myself for having the courage to try, and for stopping before I got that full feeling. If this band is going to be a part of me then it has to fit into my life. I love the fact that you can tell when you are starting to approach the full mark. This is going to be a critical factor to my success. Very cool.

Today was my first day back to work and it was crazy! I worked my butt off and I loved every minute of it. Someone who hadn't seen me in awhile even noticed I had lost weight and complimented me on it! It was heavenly to hear those words. I floated around all day after that. By the end of the night though, I was tired. I have to keep reminding myself not to overdo it. Funny though, when I got home, instead of being physically tired like I would be usually, I wasn't. I am now down 28 lbs and I can really tell the difference in my body. My knees aren't sore, my back isn't tight, my hip doesn't's amazing what a difference the weight loss has made.

The one thing that has been challenging, has been drinking enough water. I want to drink it. In fact, I am dying of thirst, but I just can't take in as much as I want to. Part of it is I want to gulp it all down at once but I have to learn to sip it over longer periods of time. I am going to work on this. Maybe a water bottle with straw would help.

Bedtime now...did I mention I am sleeping better too. I must sound like I just discovered electricity, but wow...what a change this band is effecting in my life already. I wasn't expecting things to start moving this fast. It's a great ride though...better than anything Disney could come up

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Very Restricted

It was a bit of a rough start to the day today. I got up at 6 am with the baby and immediately noticed how incredibly tight my band was feeling. So tight, I was really uncomfortable and wasn't sure what to do. I woke up my husband to take care of the baby while I paced the house like a woman with labour pains starting. At first I thought it was just gas but it didn't subside. It took about two hours before I started feeling better. What a relief that the pressure eased. Not very fun. The rest of the day was great. I felt quite good and even managed to eat a scrambled egg over the course of an hour or so. I am concerned though that I am not getting anywhere near the amount of protein I should be consuming. I considered drinking a protein shake throughout the day but the mere thought of it made me feel like hurling. I guess there's no recipe how each day will go during this healing period. It's just hard when you don't really know what's coming your way next.

On another note, I had a lot of fun this afternoon trying on clothes to see what fits. I was amazed, as was my husband, that I have dropped down two sizes. Clothes I was wearing a year and half ago are very loose. I contemplated doing a cartwheel but decided to forgo that attempt until I am closer to goal. It's hard to get to the gym when you're in a body cast. I remember a few summers as a kid, all my friend and I did was cartwheels, back walkovers and handsprings. I sometimes miss those days. Lazy warm summer days with nothing to do but hang upside down from the monkey bars. Life was good...and is...just in different ways in different stages.

I have been thinking about some ideas for rewarding myself for achieving certain milestones. Since I won't be celebrating with Ben & Jerry (we broke up), I thought perhaps a spa day would be a great reward for staying the course. Maybe Ben could do my massage and Jerry my pedicure. Or, how about a pedicure with Ben & Jerry's (ice cream) as the moisturizing wrap instead of the wax. If you can't eat it, soak in it!

Speaking of seems to be on my mind lately. Namely the lack of interest in eating it. I am however, interested in watching it being made. Being home this week, I have had time to watch the Food Network. Wow! It's pretty amazing that an entire channel devotes itself to food. I wonder if this is a good thing. With society's ever expanding waistline, should we really put that much emphasis on food. It's interesting how television programming reflects the current state of society. I have to say, I am kind of glad I don't usually have any time to watch much of it. Just a little food for thought (lol..okay, I must be getting tired).

Tomorrow will be a wonderful day. I am going to make the very best of my last day before going back to work. I wonder if anyone will notice I have been losing weight...