weakness knowing full well I could survive this and soon secure my release. Thank God, my band finally loosened up to a reasonable level or I was going to run back to them crying like a school girl with her pigtails in an inkwell. Lol...it has definitely been a hostage situation these last few weeks. A lot of negotiating, maneuvering, strategizing and restrategizing. Let's just say, it wasn't easy but I made it and now I am elated. My sugar daddy sweet spot has arrived!
On top of being overfilled for three weeks and trying to cope with that, I have had a crazy (CRAZY) amount of work to do and haven't even had the energy to post. I am back now and I have lots to say. Firstly, being overfilled is a bigger challenge than one can imagine until it happens to you. There's a lot to be said for slow and steady wins the race. The overfill this time was accidental as I could swallow water after I had it but for whatever reason I couldn't eat anything solid and at the beginning not even mushies. I PB'd more times than I would like to count including into a paper bag while sitting in the car in front of a long line of people waiting to purchase tickets. Lovely... I did contact my surgeon last week and his nurse suggested giving it some more time with just mushies. I did and now I am feeling pretty good. I can't explain why things were so tight for so long (I think stress may have been a factor) but I am very happy to be at my Sweet Spot now. Back in action again...released from imprisonment. I will weigh in next Monday and see how I did. My clothes feel great but my scale at home has been on the fritz so I'll wait and weigh in at the gym in the morning Monday...if I can wait that long...hee, hee... It's so good to be back!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Woo hoo Lucy....guess what? 40 is just 3/4 miles ahead. I can't believe it. I have lost almost one third of all the weight I need to lose. Holy doodle! Who would have thought... This is truly amazing to me. I have never lost this much weight in a 5 month period...ever... I was going to wait until I officially hit the forty pound mark (need 0.8 lbs still) but then I thought, if I take all my clothes off and run around the neighbourhood five times I can probably get that 0.8 off. Really, I would have done it, naked as a jay bird, but alas, I can't leave my baby boy alone at home and one of the neighbours would definitely call my husband at his basketball game and then all the guys would come to see what was going on and then my husband would be a bit embarrassed (or maybe not...I haven't asked him if he'd mind his lovely wife parading around the neighbourhood at top speed and sans undies...I'm guessing he might object). Good enough reason to just go ahead and celebrate 40 lbs lost a tiny bit early...I think so...
So I am feeling pretty darn proud of myself today. I am really doing this. All kinds of things have changed but most profound has been the obsession with food that has disappeared into thin air (nice pun...). When I think back to the deep, dark place I had gotten myself into and how I searched desperately for a way out ( I heard about the band and researched it voraciously), I can hardly believe how life has taken a 180 for me. Food means something entirely different to me now. I look at it as nourishment to keep my body strong and healthy not a salve to heal my emotional needs. It is a beautiful thing to be freed of this turmoil. I am truly blessed to have found this path and to be travelling along it with a hop, skip and a jump in my step. I feel like a kid again! One day, when I am ready, I would like to share my journey in person with others and encourage them to reclaim their happiness. I am definitely on my way to further success but I am also enjoying the journey there. I feel so good about myself.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I MADE IT TO MY MINI GOAL FOR MOTHER'S DAY! I wanted to lose an average of two pounds a week this last 6 weeks and I did it. For five of those weeks I had to go it on my own too as I had very variable restriction. Since this last fill though a few days ago, I have been able to break through this invisible wall that was holding me back. I hovered around the same weight for weeks it seemed. Now I am truly on my way. I feel really good about it as I try to be very patient with my band. I waited so long to get to this point and now I feel as though I can really shine! I am going to continue on this 2lbs a week goal. I think it is realistic for me at this stage and it will allow me to set a very healthy pace of weight loss. So onwards and downwards. I'm a loser...and I like it...wanna be a loser too?
Saturday, May 8, 2010
bandster buddies gave me to cope with an almost too tight band. I want to stick it out and see what happens to the tightness factor as I lose some weight this next week. After six months of mostly no restriction, I am very reluctant to not take advantage of this situation. I believe in another week to ten days, I should be at a good level of restriction. So hard to gauge though... It's an interesting spot to be in. I don't want to stay like this past two or so weeks though if it doesn't loosen up...the whole point of the band is to be an aid to developing a healthy lifestyle, not a prison warden that keeps you in solitary confinement. I'll give it another two weeks and reevaluate. I don't feel weak or tired from the decrease in caloric intake but on an ongoing basis the nutrient shortage can really mess up one's body. I want to be losing but I won't compromise my overall health for the sake of losing pounds faster...I checked...there's no prize for losing the most pounds the fastest...oh, wait...there is...very saggy skin...lol...just joking a bit. It's true though...it took years to get to this point, why are we so down on ourselves when we realize it takes hard work and time to get back in shape and have a healthy body. Ah...life...it's such an uncharted sail sometimes.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Happy news! I went for my sixth fill yesterday and now I know what it feels like to be a wine bottle heading to the corking department...lol. Fortunately, my "cork" isn't so tight I can't drink liquids but it is only just recently loosening up a tiny bit so I can have some semi solid food. Now this is the first time I have been this tight and it's something alright. I was almost thinking I should get a slight unfill but I think I will wait it out over the weekend. I imagine it should loosen up a bit as I start losing some weight. I weighed myself this morning and was already two pounds down. I am not worried about now getting a full compliment of calories for a week as I more than made up for the difference this last while when my band wasn't quite so filled. I hope this turns out to be my ideal fill level but only time will tell. Such a delicate flower it is...you can't push it to bloom too early and when it does you must take intricate care not to disturb it. So finicky my little Petaluma....my band hasn't been christened yet but this name but might be a good one.
It is kind of funny trying to eat carefully in public. I can honestly say, I breathed a sigh of relief when I got to the bathroom the other day (felt I needed to PB a little...was before fill and hadn't chewed properly) and there was no one in there. It's hard to quietly PB. Is there a lady like way of doing this...no, the ladylike way is to chew your food carefully and slowly and not as if you're a starved nomad running from a heard of runaway wildebeast.
So ladies, and gents, if you have any good suggestions for how to get through this "corked' stage please let me know...aside from drinking wine...a lot... Much appreciated!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It has been one he&& of a roller coaster ride this week. First it was good news, then bad news, then some hopeful news and finally back to the really bads news. A good friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Initially it was hoped it would be just a localized spot to treat but unfortunately it has now been shown to be spread throughout. Prognosis...the worst. Treatable but not curable. Only a third make it past five years and even those don't last much longer after. How does this happen to someone who is fit and healthy...someone who eats well, exercises regularly and is an amazing person? Cancer does not discriminate. It has been a tough week just trying to take this all in. I do apologize for not posting as promised. I just needed some time to accept this. In dealing with this, it strikes me how precious life is and how important it is that we live it to the best possible. Every moment of every day is valuable. If our journey here on these blogs is to improve our health and thus our life by losing weight and becoming fit, active people then it is worth it...even if diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart and stroke do not discriminate, at least we can say we put up the best fight possible. That matters...we matter...and this journey matters. My friend will one day go to a better place. For me, I will make this a better place by cherishing the people and things that matter most...family, friends, faith, health and well being. Thank you for listening.