Changing inside

I am very excited to be getting ready to go on our family vacation to California.  I am looking forward to seeing all our relatives and enjoying some sunny, warm weather and relaxing days at the beach.  A year ago, I would have dreaded having to put on a swimsuit but not this year.  Having lost 45lbs so far and more to come, I really feel like I am a beautiful butterfly finally coming out of her cocoon.  I am wearing shorts I haven't worn in several years and choosing shirts that skim my curves much more closely than anything I've worn in this last year.  My goodness, I even wanted to (and did) wear a skirt with high heeled sandals the other day...and guess what...I felt so unbelievably attractive. 

I am changing more than just the outside.  I am changing inside.  Maybe the outside hasn't changed as fast as I thought it would, but on the flip side, the inside has changed a lot faster than I expected.  I really do feel good about myself and what I have done to change my relationship with food and achieve a healthy body.  Truly, the obsessive component is gone.  Really gone.  I feel as though I needed to get around that hurdle first before really progressing with my weight loss.  Now I am far more happy to focus on eating well balanced meals, setting physical fitness goals and taking care of the "outside".  Perhaps this isn't the way everyone goes about this journey, but quite surprisingly it has worked for me.  I really do get it now.  I have absolutely no hesitation in saying that I will get to and maintain my goal weight of 175lbs.  Wow...that's a amazing statement.  It has been a long time coming, but now it's real.

So tight...thank you TOM

Today was a very tight band day...I PB'd on scrambled egg at breakfast and then on quesadilla for lunch...very yucky!  Thank you TOM.  Do you know how hard it is to PB quietly in a public restroom where the stalls are not floor to ceiling.  I had to keep my feet facing forward while I spewed over my shoulder in case anyone was checking out the shoe orientation.  Then of course the careful unwinding of toilet paper to muffle the jet engine loud projectile noises that surface unsuspectingly.  Really...all for what...in case someone I know (or don't know) is hanging around the bathroom and thinks I have an eating disorder.  Lol...I'm just paranoid.  I did think of some good explanations though if anyone is interested...  The reason you heard me throwing up in the bathroom at lunch is:

1.  I'm pregnant but haven't told anyone yet as I don't know who the baby's daddy is.

2.  I have severe reflux disease and I forgot my H2 blocker

3.  I wasn't throwing up, that's just how I sound when I pass gas

4.  The food here is disgusting

5.  I choked on the long black curly hair I found in my soup

6.  I was visiting my aunt in the hospital, she's in quarantine, and I must have picked up what she has

7.  I just wanted to see if it would come up as fast as I shovelled it down

8.  It wasn't me

9.  I need to stop chugging beer on my lunch break but work is very stressful

10.  I work for the Letterman show and needed inspiration for this top 10 list

Just a little comic relief...but seriously...this band can be so finicky especially when one is approaching exfoliation day.  Nonetheless, I am going to book a fill because the entire rest of the month my band has been too loose and my food morals have followed.  I need to get back in the saddle and start herding some pounds into the okey dokey they're gone corral.

A goddess and her crown...

The crown jewels...so befitting of a queen, or a goddess perhaps.  This goddess has been on holidays though and didn't have time to wear her crown or keep up with her blog.  Tonight, despite longing for an opportunity to slip off into a deep slumber, she sat down to reacquaint herself with the goings on in the band kingdom.  I must say, there has certainly been a lot going on these last two weeks.  I really shouldn't allow myself to be away for so long.  I really need to get a laptop or a messenger boy soon. 

Congratulations first of all to all those of you who have been staying on track and chipping away at those pounds.  It is truly motivating to see all the wonderful results everyone is posting.  I read Sally's tips for success after her two year bandiversary and it got be thinking about what I have been doing, or more appropriately, haven't been doing to ensure my continued success.  One area I am going to improve on is chronicling my journey in the form of this blog so that I can evaluate on an ongoing basis how I am changing.  Having been away from writing for more that a couple months now, I realized just how important it is to me.  By writing I am able to shed light on a path that is not always well defined.  This journey has proven to be more tumultuous and circuitous than I had predicted.  When I started out eight months ago, I didn't have any way of knowing how a collision of several unfortunate events would alter my course so much as I would lose sight of shore.  The details aren't important to the lesson.  The lesson learned was that life can sometimes step in the way of your journey.  If your commitment to that journey burns bright, even as a low flame, it will carry you until you can find your way again.  And so it has...  I am here again.  I am ready to pursue my dream again.  Thank you God for getting me back to this place.  I am among friends and I know they will support me on this next incredible adventure.  Thank you to all.  With this, I will begin writing again...