My Goals for San Francisco

What a beautiful day it has been thus far. The sun is shining, the birds are flitting about and I am getting very excited about our upcoming trip to San Francisco to visit our family. We haven't been since last Easter and I just love going there. I have been thinking a lot about what my weight loss goal would be for then. I am going to set it at 40 lbs down by March 22nd. I am going to wow everyone. I really want to go shopping for some new clothes and I just love going shopping there with my husband. I have not bought anything new in so long and I really want to be able to fit into a size 18 by then. So here it is in big bold writing so I don't forget (as if I would...lol). I am going to add it to the goal list on my blog. I am going to achieve this by:

1. Exercising 5 times a week for a minimum of 60 minutes

2. Eating protein first

3. Drinking 5 -16oz bottles of water a day

4. Weighing in every Monday and posting the results

5. Focussing on being positive

It's truly amazing what this band can do for us. Not only does it provide us with a sense of control over our eating but it gives us back the sense of hope that one day we will be at our healthy goal weight. It feels so good to be turning dreams into reality one day at a time.

A compliment indeed...

I am still laughing from the very backward compliment I received today. I was conversing with a business person I hadn't seen for a while and I mentioned how the year seems to be flying by and soon it will be Valentine's Day. I then remarked how over time the little packages we used to get of Valentine hearts seem to have gotten a bigger and bigger and now you can buy candy hearts in the Costco size. This is where I nearly keeled over laughing...the said business person then commented "I've noticed you've lost a lot of weight...you should stay away from the candy hearts". I nearly howled. Yeah...that's it, those darn candy hearts did me in these past several years. I knew I'd get hooked on those little messages...my own little ecstasy pills...lol... Seriously, this woman has no brain filter marked "sifting out inappropriate comments". Anyway, I took the compliment part and ran with it. Even the crazy lady with no sense noticed I am changing ! Yipee!!!

On to other good times this week. I am very pleased to say that my second fill has given me a bit of restriction...not a lot but workable. I am using that in addition to my iron clad girdle approach to eating to stay on the course. I think it's working so far. It does feel good to at least have some sense of restriction. We'll see how it goes and then book my next fill in a month or so. It's funny, my doctor is so cautious, I had to almost barter for more than 1cc. Slow and steady wins the race seems to be their motto. I am getting used to being patient with this process. This is for the rest of my life and in the grand scheme of things, I've got lots of time (especially since I quit jaywalking...lol.)

I had wanted to post sooner but it's been so busy lately with work and family life, I will ask for all your forgiveness. I do check in almost daily to see how everyone is doing even if I don't have time to comment or post. I hope everyone is well and look forward to hearing about every one's adventures.

It's showtime

It's early morning and I am just heading to my doctor's office for a miracle fill. You know...the one that magically transforms your life while fireworks and Rachmaninoff play in the background. I am planning for excellent restriction this time. Positive thinking...more on that later. Have a wonderful day all!

Like riding a bike

I remember when I was learning to ride my bike. I rode around the cement walls of the school yard at first. Not to worry about the walls. It wasn't prison like, just sunken because of being on a slope. The walls would help me upright myself when I was leaning too far to one side. I had training wheels on but was desperate to have them off. I practised relentlessly, falling more than a few times. Then one day, my dad took the training wheels off for a trial run without them and as my bike left the security of his hands, I was free!!! I was a eagle soaring from it's nest for the first time. It was glorious. It was a feeling I have never forgotten. I find myself thinking about this time in my early childhood a lot lately. That feeling is the one I am anxiously waiting to recreate. I know it's just around the corner but I can hardly stand it. My second fill is in two days and I hope I feel restriction. It has been two months since surgery and no restriction. I have been very patient but at times it's hard to keep practising with training wheels when you just want a chance to try without. To see if you can ride on two wheels. I am going to remain patient though. Once I learned to ride my bike on two wheels, I never forgot how and so many years later, I still ride with confidence...yes, even jumping the curb now and then.

Happy Birthday Baby!

I am sooo excited!!! It's my birthday tomorrow and I can't wait! I am counting the hours. It's party time baby!!! I LOVE my birthday and I LOVE celebrating it with all my friends and family. We (all 20 or so of us) are going out to a Greek restaurant that has belly dancers (both a guy and a girl). I can't wait to dance on the table! Woo, hoo... I am going to wear a very sexy top that I haven't worn in a couple of years and I am going to party like a rockstar. The paparazzi are going to have a field day...lol. I will fill you in on the sordid details on Saturday.

Today I am a pretzel...

It all started with "Today class you will find your inner butter and flour and you will allow the life force to fold you into a pretzel"...at least that's what I thought the instructor at my beginner's yoga class said. Yes, you heard right, I went to my very first yoga class yesterday. I had taken regular classes many years ago but nothing in recent history. I was a bit worried about how hard it would be. Remember, I had a baby a year ago and it's only been a couple months since I've gotten over the terrible joint laxity (loose ligaments) problem I developed post partum. That being said, one would think joint laxity would be an asset but I was mildly worried that I would end up in some pretzel pose and the whole class would have to come and unravel me from it. Good, positive self confidence hard at work...lol.

Nonetheless, I persevered, walked into the class, beelined it for the nearest open space and set my mat down with a flourish so no one would know I was an impostor. Then you wouldn't believe what happened...I LOVED it! I had an awesome time. The instructor was terrific, the class was challenging but not overwhelming and I really relaxed. The cool down at the end when you close your eyes and reflect on your body was almost as soul nourishing as a massage. I am going to go again next week.

PS They have the neatest names for some of the poses...nothing food related though...odd...lol. Soon, I too will be an excellent tree. If you've never tried yoga and you have poo-pooed it as a bit too ethereal, give it a chance. There's a reason entire NHL hockey teams take classes.

My dream kitchen table

My dear smart, savvy bandster buddies, I need your help. I have been dreaming about this table and chairs for some time now. I have been to the store twice in the past year. Now don't laugh...the reason I couldn't decide whether I should change my existing table is because of the edge that goes around the underside of this table and what an intimate proximity it had to my thighs last time I sat at it in the store. So...I am mustering up some courage to go back again and check it out now...I have lost almost 25 lbs and I know I will be losing a whole lot more so I should try it again...right? What do you think? I really want to get it...and now that I am no longer scarfing my food down, I will be spending more time sitting here enjoying my meals. What should I do. It's my birthday this week and I could convince my husband that it's a great gift since he won't need to wrap it. I will stand by for your comments. Thanks so much!

Love is...

I woke up today thinking about love. The alarm went off right in the middle of a very vivid dream. It was a warm summer afternoon and I was sitting on an ornate marble bench overlooking Lake Como. I wasn't surprised when two warm, strong arms enveloped me from behind and a grizzled face pressed a kiss on my cheek. It was my beloved friend George (Clooney). He sat down beside me and from his solemn smile, I knew he wanted to talk. We did. In fact, we talked all about his various relationships with women and how he couldn't seem to find "love". After listening intently, I said to my friend "George, sweetheart, love can be found all around you. It is in the things you say and do. It is in the anonymous kindness you extend to someone. It is the special effort you make to call your friend on their birthday. It is the quiet nod across the room that lets your spouse know you're there. Love is the golden thread that weaves design through our life's fabric. To find love, you must first endeavour to give all your love to others. Only then is the curious yet magical swell of the human heart possible."

Interestingly enough, the fact that George Clooney was my friend in this dream didn't phase me. What concerned me was that he wasn't happy with himself and his life. His quest for love seemed so sad. When I woke up, I immediately felt a sense of relief that I was happy with my life and with the love that weaves itself through it. I love my husband in a way words cannot describe. He is in my heart and in my soul. He is the true love of my life. My love for my son is just as intense and without dimension. He is the most amazing thing I have had a part in creating on this earth. He is my purpose. I love my family, my friends and the people around me. This life is a gift to me. I appreciate each and every day. I am grateful for everything that has come my way, some created and some encountered.

And so this journey with the band is guided by my love for me. By loving myself, I have chosen to keep on giving love to all those in my life.

Speedy guns Alice

This morning was my official weigh in time and before I got on the scale, I was just a little worried. Would it move this week, would it be the same or worse...would I have gained weight? I have been a bit concerned that I don't really have the use of the band yet (no restriction) and I am relying solely on willpower to get through this time until my second fill at the end of January. It has been quite challenging and I have felt at times very confused as to how this process evolves for each individual. For the most part though, I have accepted that I may not get the full benefit of the band at this early stage and I will likely have to wait until my second fill to utilize this tool.

In the meantime, I am learning a lot about myself. I thought I knew all there was to know about my overeating. Apparently not. For instance, I never realized how quickly and mindlessly I used to eat. By the time I was aware of how much I was eating, I had already consumed half of a large dinner plateful. Now, I focus on what I'm eating, how much is going on my plate and more importantly how much I can eat before starting to feel satisfied. I am learning to hear what my stomach is saying. How crazy is that? The crazier thing is, I like listening to my stomach and following it's suggestion to stop eating. Wow...even though the stop signal comes quite late (ie am eating more than ideal), it does come....double wow! Thinking about food is another aspect. I didn't realize how much I used to think about food. It's almost embarrassing to admit, I used to plan and get excited about trips to the grocery store to get food. Now I only think about it occasionally and then I remind myself food is about nutrition and not about filling whatever void I am feeling at that time.

Okay, I digressed a bit. The good news this morning was I had lost 1.2 lbs this week. Yipee! At least it was a small strand of hope that I can hang on until my band kicks in to help me out. This little bit of hope was all I needed today. I went to the gym and powered it out on the bike. I did 65 minutes of moderate to moderately high intensity and boy was the sweat pouring off me. I loved it! I imagined myself pedaling up hills and along ocean side roads and more importantly knowing that one day I would be in good enough shape to do this for real outside. It was all I could do not to stand up on the pedals and throw up my hands like the yellow jersey winner of the Tour de France...I probably would have gotten a few looks from the others at the gym...lol.

Ferrari in my driveway

There's ferrari in my driveway and someone won't let me have the keys to drive it! Okay, no ferrari but I do have a band. It's sleek, it's sexy and for some reason I am not allowed to use it yet. I had my first fill four days ago now and initially I was very optimistic that the restriction I felt would be great. Alas, the restriction (if there was any...I think I was just bloated from TOM) is gone, gone, gone. I have been eating just as I have since the second week after surgery. That means for the last month, nothing has happened. I have lost zippo! I know, I know...I need to be patient and wait another month to get a fill again. Right, like I could wait to drive a ferrari sitting in my driveway. This really bites the biscuit.

I am curious to hear from my fellow bandsters about how many adjustments they needed and how long it took to get to good restriction after being banded. Please feel free to share your comments. Thank you for taking the time to help a rookie out.

I love to smile

I really do...I love to smile. I am smiling now. I am smiling because I got my first fill yesterday and it went very well. My lovely surgeon did have to swing three times before hitting it out of the park but I didn't mind...who doesn't love a little suspense. Honestly, it was very easy. It didn't hurt (except a tiny bit on the second swing when he grazed a nerve branch but I don't want to freak any baby bandsters out...it really wasn't a big deal). He is very conservative so I only had a small amount added but I am fine with that. It is much better to go slow and steady than to overfill and have chest pain, be unable swallow your own saliva and have to run back to get an unfill. This isn't a race. I already won first place for having poor eating habits and not taking better care of my body. I don't need another medal. What I need is the satisfaction that comes from knowing within that you are going to succeed. I know it, I feel it, I am it already. This is a lifestyle change and while the band is a tool, it is not the Holy Grail. When I got home yesterday, I wondered if I had enough restriction (I don't feel very restricted but I do feel like there's a stopping point). I worried that it would take too long to get to the appropriate amount of restriction and then I would be wasting precious time. Then I stopped myself and thought about what it was I was really trying to achieve in my life. Enough said...

Today was a really good day. I ate exactly half the amount I usually do at each meal. The band helped but a good part of it was me. For now, it's a good lesson to learn. Slowly adjusting my food intake down to a healthy level. It is going to take some time getting used to what a normal portion is for me so being not totally restricted is a good thing. I will likely need another fill in four weeks, but let's see how this goes. I am really excited to be on my way now. I have been working out regularly and am seeing some amazing changes in my body. I am starting to realize that I can do a lot of things I haven't been able to do like get up and down from floor easily. This makes me smile...you must imagine me falling down just to get up again...over and over again...lol.

NSV today...there was chocolate cake at work and I didn't even have a forkful. Instead, I picked off a few fruit from the fruit topped cake. I was very popular for taking the fruit but I did leave them the custard and cake part...lol.

Hot buns

Hot buns. Two little words that can motivate a legion of men and women to get their buns to the gym to work out. And that's just what I did today. After plotting carefully for an available parking spot, I was able to pounce on one just as two other gym gods were maneuvering to get the same spot. It was a slap on their tushies that I beat them to it, but out of the way buddy boy, this girl is on a mission. I was so pumped up (another reference to buns) to work out today. Maybe it was because I felt I slight smirk of satisfaction creeping in when I arrived and saw that the place was packed! Where were "they" last week when I was working out all by my lonesome? It's a phenomenon I've watched come and go every year at this time. It's like a yearly lunar tide. Only the strong survive and keep coming into the summer. I am proud to say I am one of those strong. And now, with the band, lookout...girlfriend's got a life jacket!

Now don't get me wrong. I too appreciate hot buns. It's just that I have been spending more time with the one's from the bakery than the one's at the gym. That has already begun to change though. Without really noticing it, my attitude toward food is changing. Hot (bakery) buns just don't excite me anymore. I am far more excited by the prospect of sporting my hot buns at the gym. Granted, my buns still need a little kneading before they're ready to strut around the gym but today, I wasn't at all self conscious of lying down on the machine, buns in the air, to do hamstring curls. This is a major NSV. I have bee avoiding that machine for over a year because I didn't want the guys around gawking at my bodacious booty (at least not until it's in fine form).

Onto my excitement about tomorrow. Tomorrow is my first fill and I am so psyched. With no restriction this last 4 weeks, I have only been able to maintain my weight. I am happy with at least that considering I didn't hold back over the holidays at all. In fact, any other time, it would have been as much as 5-10 lbs gained. I am so curious to see what the fill feels like. Should be interesting. I have been waiting somewhat patiently for tomorrow to come so I can really start this journey. I am going to work on some goals for the next while and will post them tonight.